"THE OREGON GIRL" (i warn you. the following content is unsuitable for those with squeamishness or weak stomachs.)

i feel guilty that louis has done all the blogging so far. he has covered pretty much everything there is to talk about except for one thing. the oregon girl. my god. i still wake up with a cold sweat when she decides to pop into my nightmares. she introduced herself and apart from the massive winter boots and dress that looked like it was made out of cobwebs she seemed normal as any world traveler is. we started talking about where we had and been and what we did back home and she said that she had been kicked out of her house for selling heroin. ok, fair enough, didn't bother me too much. i then asked where she lived now and she said that she lived in a "house" she had built a mile or so away from the her family home. still not totally weird but getting their. i shrugged it off and starting seeing images of the leatherface dude from the texas chainsaw massacre. thats (!!) where i'd seen those boots before... i inched my numb behind a couple inches farther away from the "the oregan girl". i had sort of stopped listening when i heard the words "bamboo and seal skins" pop into the convo. i asked her to repeat and she said that her "house" was made of bamboo and baby seal skins that she "found" dead on the beach. i threw up in my mouth a little at this bit and swallowed hard. eesh. i had a bit of a cold sweat at this point.

i ignored it and we started talking about normal things like pot and music and beer etc... the oregon girl had remained silent for the last half hour and i wondered whether she was trying decide which of us would look better as her door mat and whether she would use a blunt axe or chainsaw like her (most likely) relative. she had spent the time eating the leaves out of a potted plant and drawing on the wall. the drawings were actually pretty good. they were sort of caricatures but of inter-bred species. she had a walrus with tits and and old man's face and fish with a woman's torso. so maybe she was just a very eclectic artist. i started to relax and asked her where she had acquired her dashing winter boots. she said that she had lived in a dumpster for a week and that some had thrown out these "perfectly good" winter boots. apart from being mens size 11 she said they fit pretty well. i quickly said good night and hid under my covers for the duration of the night.

the next morning was our departure from peru and we spent an hour talking to our newly made friends and getting facebooks etc... the oregon girl returned. she remained in her cobweb dress which was now slightly brown and covered in what looked like...(think of something gross). as she wedged herself between the wall and me i jumped and went to make myself a yummy breakfast bun with a strong cup of coffee. i returned outside where they were talking about japan and thailand and as if waiting for me to arrive she suddenly exclaimed that she had once smuggled spiders in from japan. (i shiver as i write this). i asked sarcastically what other wonderful pets she had had and either not noticing or ignoring my sarcasm she admitted that she had had a pet squirrel. normal enough and stupidly i relaxed. while i was munching away at my bun she started talking about how her squirrel and given her and her crackhead boyfriend scabies and then died. lovely. someone asked what scabies was and she enlightened us. "scabies is basically where bugs crawl under your skin and lay eggs as they tunnel there way up your leg or whichever appendage they have chosen. i yakked and swallowed my bun for the second time. and chugged my coffee trying to wash it down. i stupidly asked how you got rid of scabies and she said that you basically zap the areas the eggs have been laid and then slice open the area and spoon it out. she then lifted her dress a bit and showed us the scars from the "spooning" on her legs, which had enough hair to compete with chewbacca. as if trying to prove that she could beat chewbacca in a hair contest she stretched and gave us a nice view of her underarms. the women of the amazon would have made her queen in less time then it takes to say scabies.

5 minutes later we were in a cab to the airport, i sat in the front trying to get rid of my nausea by inhaling some "fresh" peruvian air. she still haunts my memory and my dreams...